It's a beautiful evening. Even a little chilly, which is quite welcome these days. I'm in Jerusalem, partly relaxing and partly preparing for delegations I'll be leading in the coming weeks. I like the Old City of Jerusalem. I like the stones, I like guessing how many hundreds or thousands of years they've been in their current configurations, how many different people have passed through and lived in these buildings. I like the narrow alleys, and the small openings that hide huge buildings, underground structures, and expansive rooftops. I like the bustling Palestinian market all around Damascus Gate, the grass and trees just next to the gate, the people of all ages sitting together, sprawled out in the shade on hot sunny days.
I don't like the Israeli soldiers and border police who patrol the streets, sit on the steps of the Austrian Hospice, set up barriers outside Damascus Gate to block Muslims from coming to pray. I don't like the college-aged Americans and army-aged Israelis who parade around in tiny tank tops and miniskirts with no awareness of cultural sensitivity. I don't like the Israeli flags strewn across rooftops in the Muslim Quarter of the city. I don't like the religious Jews who march through the city as if it's theirs, who read obituaries of Palestinians and then occupy their houses as soon as they die. I don't like that I project this settler identity onto every black-hatted Jew I see, even though many of them are not settlers in that same sense of the word; many are probably just coming into the Old City to visit, or to pray. I don't like that the political situation makes me unable to appreciate any kind of visible Jewish presence, even just walking down the streets, in any part of occupied or annexed East Jerusalem, including the Old City.
I don't like the look I get when I tell my West Bank friends that I'm coming to Al Quds (Jerusalem). I don't like the guilt I feel for easily being able to travel to the holiest city in the country, when my Muslim friends for whom it would mean so much more are not allowed to go. Sometimes I don't even tell them where I'm going; sometimes I say I'm going to Ramallah, because for me it's the same, and for them it is not.
I don't like the orange ribbons on all the cars around here, expressing solidarity with Jewish settlers of Gush Katif and opposition to evacuating them from Gaza. I don't like the blue and white ribbons that have come in response, supporting the "disengagement" as the patriotic thing to do. I don't like that I sit in Jerusalem and see these ribbons about Gaza and get a phone call that there is curfew in Hares. I don't like that I know this, as well as everything else that happens in the West Bank these days, will go completely ignored by the world, and I don't like that I myself feel almost nothing when I hear the word "curfew," that my response is automatic: if I were there, I would go out and check on the situation, but since I'm not, I hang up the pone and continue my walk.
Sometimes it's nice to be here in Jerusalem, and sometimes I just want to get out, back to the villages, back to a life that in some ways has become comfortable for me. I was in Deir Ballut last week, just visiting friends. I took a taxi over there just after sunset. The twists and turns through the hills, the dirt road surrounded by thousands of olive trees, the almost full moon shining in an almost dark sky - it was all so breathtakingly beautiful. This is how Palestine could be, I thought, appreciating for the first time the bumpy half-hour long ride that would take 10 minutes if Palestinians could pass through the Qarawa roadblock and the Deir Ballut checkpoint.
I love entering Deir Ballut, driving through some of the most lush fields in Palestine, towards the always welcoming village. I arrived at my friend Reem's house, and her husband told me she was out. At the store, confirmed the kids. As always, I marveled over the difference between Deir Ballut and other nearby villages, like Hares. In Deir Ballut, women go out on their own after dark, have wedding parties outside with dancing, singing, and drumming, and have a tendency to refuse all marriage proposals until they're finished university. Or at least this is true of the girls and women I know. Oh, and in Deir Ballut the kids don't point and stare and whisper, "ajnabiye" (foreigner) or yell, "sawrini!" (take my picture).
I'm going to miss this place. I'll miss my friends in Deir Ballut, who tell me "women are free here" and I'll miss my friends in Hares who tell me it's not appropriate for women to go out, that they're not strong enough to defend themselves. I may even miss the blonde kids up the street who throw stones at us out of boredom or amusement, and who occasionally try to physically remove our cameras from our bags to take pictures of themselves.
I'm still in Palestine for another month, but I'll be on the road the whole time with three different groups that I'll have the pleasure of introducing Palestine to. I'm not sure if or when I'll find time to write, so don't worry if you don't hear from me for a while. Jaber's trial is on Monday (he's the one who had meningitis and was arrested at Huwara checkpoint a couple months ago), and I'm going to try to go, so perhaps that will inspire a report. But no promises.
Until next time,
Hannah
